


by the hands of hera

by sunflower_8



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Melancholy, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Trauma, Unresolved Emotional Tension, i do not know if this can be classified fluff, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:35:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29449392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: “really, i don’t.” he kisses his cheek and nuzzles his shoulder. it makes hinata’s heart sting. “i don’t mind. there are many people out there to love, for you have so much to give. it’s not mine to entirely possess.”“it isn’t,” hinata concedes, “but i don’t love anyone else like i love you.”(hinata spends a night with his partner. what starts cathartic shifts to melancholic, and he reflects.)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 13
Kudos: 53





	by the hands of hera

there’s something awfully comfortable about this.

by all rights, it shouldn’t be all that cozy. the room has a vague scent of burning from the candle wick he lit earlier, and it’s fucking freezing despite it being a tropical island, and his lap is currently being occupied by his partner whom, for all that he adores about him, is not the most cuddable person.

but. hinata finds it comfortable, nonetheless. familiar, maybe. 

and komaeda’s cheeks are tearstained but he’s smiling-- not his fake grin, all hypomanic and twisted up, but a soft one with rosy lips--, and his smile makes hinata breathe out a sigh of relief, running his calloused fingers through angelic hair as the other rests against him. the rivulets spilled earlier had been cathartic, done in an act of intimacy that is far too rare between them. 

(and maybe that’s for the weight it carries, how komaeda’s heart stuttered when hinata first saw him unclothed, scars and all, how his voice dropped to a whisper hinata still recalls when his partner requested  _ be gentle just once, please,  _ and hinata thought of a doll-like girl who used to rip his black strands of hair to pieces and could imagine him thinking that, then,  _ be gentle, be gentle. _ )

hinata likes to see the other cry, in a sort of bittersweet way, because it means he’s feeling something. or, maybe that’s the incorrect term, because hinata feels everything all at once and kamukura fought to feel nothing at all and kind of won and komaeda feels the wrong things at the wrong time so often that he’s half given up and half made himself a cheshire cherub, so maybe there’s some peace in the fact that he can still cry. 

hinata cried a lot, before komaeda woke up. he still cries a lot, just, when nobody’s around. it’s a lot to carry on his shoulders (they all say  _ don’t be an atlas;  _ the scientists cautioned  _ your death will rival prometheus;  _ he’s tired of being a chosen one). 

he doesn’t like to let komaeda see him cry, though. if only because neither of them would really know what to say.

komaeda shifts closer to hinata, resting against his shoulder and mumbling, “warm,” to himself. it still makes hinata’s face flush a little, despite the two of them having partaken in far more intimate acts previously. those times, though, despite how special they can be, are a little easier for him. it’s this sort of thing-- sharing warmth, holding komaeda and knowing, keenly, that it takes significant trust for komaeda to let him do that without believing that hinata will break him-- that always flusters him.

hinata just smiles a bit, lip quirked up awkwardly, and replies, “yeah?” it’s not much of a question; he isn’t all that surprised. he naturally runs warm ( _ sunkissed,  _ his lover had described it earlier.  _ you can see that hue in your eyes… how hopelessly romantic of me.  _ hinata wished komaeda didn’t cut himself off so often, when those words always reassure him, he just doesn’t know how to tell him).

komaeda’s always cold, though. he can only take so much warmth before his body repels it-- several instances of him passing out in hot showers is enough to attest to that. it’s some kind of miracle that hinata is just the perfect temperature for him. 

or maybe he isn’t. hinata can’t always tell. komaeda is better at voicing his discontent now, this is true, but he rarely does it to hinata, aside from the few and far between times where komaeda’s resentment bubbles up and he lashes out for hours. hinata dreads those times, because for all the hatred he can stomach, even when it’s coming from his lover, it hurts to know that in komaeda’s episodes, all self care is thrown out the window despite how much hinata pleads for him to be safe.

he moves, now, and touches the scar on komaeda’s thigh, just under the ones from syo back in towa. a fingernail scratch, done over and over and over. hinata hates it. hinata can’t find it in himself to ever call it beautiful, and komaeda knows that hinata thinks it’s ugly, and that’s exactly why the wound reopens every month or so. 

( _ it hurts like a bitch,  _ hinata told kuzuryuu, once,  _ when i know i’m at fault for it. i want to think i’m good for him, because he has to trust me somewhat if he lets me see it, right? he has to love me just enough to allow himself to get angry.  _ kuzuryuu had thrown another rock into the ocean and nodded, replying,  _ i always hated it when peko did that. _

sometimes, it’s hard to believe that another person gets it.)

komaeda hums at the touch and leaves a kiss just over a hickey on hinata’s shoulder, “you’re always warm. so radiant, so lovely… haha, sorry. a little carried away, again,” he sighs.

“no, it’s-,” and damn hinata’s words for always failing him. he gives in, holding komaeda closer and cupping his head, a cold nose pressing against hinata’s exposed chest and making him shiver. the other is tense, but he tries to hold him in a way that can be loving, so that he can relax.

he does, after a few minutes. and then he giggles. 

“what are we doing?” he asks.

… hm. hinata doesn’t quite have an answer to that, but… “just resting, i think. we deserve some rest, yeah?”

“you certainly do,” komaeda amends, then yawns subsequently. after a moment, he concedes, “and i suppose i’m tired, as well. but, really, we’re just sitting here, silently, after having had sex. isn’t that strange?”

“not so silent anymore,” hinata notes, “and, not really? i mean, by all means, the two of us are fairly strange, but… i don’t think it’s odd for me to want to sit here and think about how i love you.”

“... you love me?”

hinata raises an eyebrow, but he knows komaeda’s genuine, and it hurts a little that he’s genuine. “of course i do. i don’t, y’know, do that with people i’m not in love with. and i wouldn’t…” words fail, words fail, “... y’know. stay with someone like i’ve stayed with you.”

“you would,” komaeda says quietly, apologetically. “you stay beside a lot of people. that’s the kind of person you are, hinata-kun, and i don’t mind that.”

“i-,”

“really, i don’t.” he kisses his cheek and nuzzles his shoulder. it makes hinata’s heart sting. “i don’t mind. there are many people out there to love, for you have so much to give. it’s not mine to entirely possess.”

“it isn’t,” hinata concedes, “but i don’t love anyone else like i love you.”

( _ isn’t it evident?  _ he wishes he could ask.  _ i am naked, so are you, and we’re intertwined, and we could spend hours together and it’d feel like a single minute. i spent hours talking about you, thinking about you-- and maybe i never told you, but i thought you may have known, wouldn’t you? i know your thoughts, after all, so don’t you know mine?  _

maybe if hinata cried a little more in front of komaeda, lost himself a bit in his gaze, strayed from the path of being so composed and so guarded that the other had to falter to match him, maybe komaeda would trust him.  _ why don’t you trust me? _ )

“mm,” is all komaeda says, with a tired sigh. 

and it’s silent again.

( _ you’re beautiful, hinata-kun. let me worship you.  _ and he had cried,  _ say my name, say it, please.  _ and the other had not. unwinding, laying himself bare in front of the other,  _ built like a god, too, it’s so lucky that i am yours.  _ and he had cried,  _ we are each others.  _ and they were not.)

until. “i wish you would let me love you.”

there is a lilt, there, where komaeda does not reply. his breath hitches, but he persists in breathing, softly and faintly like petals must die, and his ribs expand across every word he holds in, for hinata knows he holds so much back to mirror the farce hinata himself hides behind, and he stays quiet as hinata’s words soak the burnt-scented cottage, just sitting and thinking and planning. his fingers twitch, once, as if he’s ready to pry something apart, to search for an answer that hinata has never learned the words to give, only been guided by the hands of hera to be something worthy and always falling short. and komaeda was never taught to be perfect, either, only to mimic what he’s seen, to stick around just long enough to find the best in people before self destructing, and it must be so selfish that hinata, himself, has chosen to cling.

all these thoughts cross hinata’s mind, in the brief moment in time where komaeda is silent.

and, then, he says, “i wish you would let me do the same, hinata-kun.”

( _ i love myself too much,  _ hinata once insisted.  _ i like myself a little too much, relish in every drop of praise, and though i’m always working- _

_ and that’s the issue, hinata-kun,  _ komaeda retorted,  _ you’re always working, and for what reason?  _

_ i have to help people, komaeda. _

_ you don’t have to help everyone,  _ it’s a special kind of hypocrisy,  _ you don’t have to fight for the right to exist, you do for a reason, and if that was someone’s mistake then let yourself be a mistake. _

_ i don’t want to be a mistake. _

_ and you aren’t, i’m just saying, you can just exist without having to prove that you should exist. otherwise, you just hate yourself. and obviously, you hate yourself. you don’t love yourself, you’re just exceptional at pretending like you do. i know you too well, hinata-kun. because we are similar, don’t you think? _ )

hinata lets it go.

he kisses komaeda’s forehead, his cheek, his nose. he avoids his lips, pressing against his neck and sharp collarbones, trailing further and further until komaeda gently pushes him away with a flustered look. and, silently, hinata pulls his lover to him again, allows komaeda to fall asleep in his embrace as the two lay intertwined, and it’s a different kind of comfort and certainly atypical, but there’s something to it, there’s something to it, there’s something to it-

because it’s the two of them, together. and there’s a kind of quiet that comes from being with someone who loves you, who you love back.

( _ you’re either going to grow bored of me,  _ he flipped a coin with two fingers, and hinata watched silently,  _ or you’ll die. one or the other. and that’s fine, really, isn’t it? it’s exactly what i deserve. _ )

“i love you,” he promises, as the other’s eyes flutter shut. “i won’t die, i won’t leave. we can exist in this moment for as long as you want to, even if- because-,”  _ i love you. _

rippling through hinata’s skin is laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> i really loathe labeling these vent fics, still. they quite literally are, but, wow. i suppose that's most of what i post, but goddamn that must be growing tedious for anyone reading.
> 
> in any case! this was... intended to be fluff. fen, if you are reading this, it did not become fluff like i promised. however! it is... something. and, as one tends to do, i interjected some of my personal struggles there, for this is my coping mechanism and my fics are a (un)steady force of depressing evil.
> 
> i am very much working on longer form wips, but i did want to do something for valentine's day. so... here. i didn't quite proofread this so i am not certain it is good in any way shape or form, but hey. it's some komahina. it's something.
> 
> have a nice day, everyone. if you want to hear me do more bitching but a drop less depressive, my tumblr is: https://fieldofsunflowers8.tumblr.com/
> 
> until next time. love you.


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